Musings et al. from the past week
I’d quite like a bike, among other paraphernalia closely associated with the various lockdowns we have endured. This now includes but is not limited to: roller skates, high-quality acrylic and watercolour paints, an overlocker, a blender, a knitting machine that partly knits for you of which the specific name I have forgotten and a bookshelf. What I have, however, purchased are a skipping rope, some Ordinary skincare and a jade roller.
Everyone walks in pairs. This world exists in pairs. One may exist alone but one must also fulfil the requirement of being able to go on a mid-morning Sunday walk with at least one other person to uphold certain levels of social inclusivity. This observation stems from a deep-rooted Conservative town that reeks of subtle judgement that someone walking solo must equate to deep loneliness.
The world also exists as a byproduct of walking through gates, whether abstract or physical. On my walk today I went through four gates, my freedom of a daily walk curtailed by land, the gates of my own mind and also the gate that Covid bars to a relatively normal existence.
In the past fifteen minutes, I have gone from writing a 9-page document on when to use the French subjunctive to filming myself putting the washing out for 0.6 seconds of a tik-tok that appears to be effortlessly filmed but realistically took more time to put together than was worth making.
I spilt honey and vanilla essence dressing for baked plums on my laptop and now the x and z keys are incredibly hard to press down on. I am hopeful this matter will be resolved over time.
Whilst I should be spending these weeks experiencing the frivolity of early adulthood, my childhood bedroom, crochet addiction and other modes of privileged distraction suffice. I will be returning to Durham soon, on equal grounds of privilege and despite the far from an ideal way to be living out my early 20s, there is much greater suffering on our doorstep.
Why do lecturers wait to the end, at the crux of their argument, to reference the recent book they have written. Alas, I will not buy it but it seems interesting and I have added it to books that should be read about my course but simply do not have the time for.
The possibility of overthinking every Snapchat sent but also aware that most people message a lot more people than I do and thus the message is a drop in the ocean of unopened ephemeral images.
I wanted a change of scenery so I went downstairs to the dining room table to find my father building a railway track for a miniature train. I swiftly retreated to finish my lecture on Kinesic analysis of literature to the subtle sound of train tracks. Whilst bizarre, it is symbolic of a retreat to childhood that we have perhaps fallen into during the various periods of lockdown. Either that or perhaps an indication that one should not be so dismissive of activities associated with childhood as we grow up. Despite this, I still refuse to pick up a puzzle as a recreational activity.
This tweet:
The Bernie Sanders memes have been the peak of all entertainment this week, simply due to their absurdity and notion that the media is deeply important in garnering our political consciousness; albeit with some hilarity in this respect. My personal favourite has to be the Taylor Swift album covers and I would pay good money to see Long Story Short ft. Bernie Sanders.
My Co-Star app has just informed me that ‘you are the dream, the nightmare, and the dream within the nightmare that becomes the dream’. WHO writes these???
On university at home
The first term was spent resoundingly online and nothing has changed to a great extent. Except:
- I have yet to have a midday nap.
- I am trying hard to see how many days it is acceptable to go on Zoom calls without washing my hair. So far 4 has been the limit. As I am not currently in halls, I simply do not have to comply with the notion that ‘what if I happened to see the love of my life’. This is in contradiction to the jade roller and skincare purchased in the name of ‘self-care’ and not a futile lockdown glow-up.
- Roasted vegetables are now a staple in my diet.
- Having a roommate who is currently in Durham means that my room is currently both occupied and vacant. The company and 4pm cup of tea is dearly missed, although fear of sleep talking is not so.
- I simply cannot wait for morning debriefs of the same night we have both partaken in when I return, however mundane or embarrassing.
- Part of my creative urges this lockdown come as a necessary distraction, opposed to a genuine urge to create something wonderful. I hope, upon returning to Durham, it becomes both.
On the concept of spending time with oneself
I simply don’t need to socialise ! voice notes are a healthy supplement to social interaction ! walking with one other person outside your household is overrated ! – in both the first and present lockdown, I do find a possibly unhealthy time to spend by myself, it is only when I find myself with others that I realise how desperately I am an extrovert.
Having experienced both halls at university with what felt like an infinite amount of time alone, and then with a constant companion, I thought coming at home at Christmas would feel like a great upheaval to the near-constant possibility of a conversation and hum of another laptop. This simply wasn’t the case and my own company became the norm quite rapidly and the voice of another person transpired to an audiobook, a Youtube video or season 3 of Fresh Meat. I speak of my own company in a different capacity to living alone. I do live with my parents, there is someone in the house often and while I might not always speak to them, there is the possibility of human engagement.
Whilst a lot of us adjust to a cripplingly large quantity of time in their own company, many also thrive. In acknowledging that I need both, I think the time spent before returning to Durham with crochet needle in hand, lectures copied down and my new found hobby of skipping, time alone does not need to be consumed in fulfilling hours of the day, it can be, to many degrees, enjoyed.
Alas, I hope your week in lockdown was fruitful.
eleanor xx
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