‘Hey stranger, it’s been a while. How are you?’
‘I’m okay thanks, just revising, socialising, exercising, trying to keep a routine. Not sure if I’m thriving or just surviving. Maybe a bit of both?’
‘well, that’s okay. It’s okay to be stressed about A Levels or to worry about grades, just know you’re doing enough and put the subject to bed and stop talking to people about academia because you’re going to bore them. They don’t need to know the reasons as to why the Directory failed or the reasons why it is important to save francophone music.’
‘true, I think I’ve reached a point where I’m in the ‘flow’ and everything is compartmentalised and if everything stays this way till June the 17th it’ll be okay. But then everything is so fragile and if one thing slips then the whole plan falls apart. since when did scheduling in a shower become a thing?’
‘since you realised that you need to work hard to get to the university you want to. Equally, the fact you take wholesome breaks and have time to see friends and that’s more important. You’re not the person you were in GCSEs, don’t become that person now.’
Thus, I conclude this conversation with myself. Over little things and what seems like a big thing at the moment, the thing that means I haven’t posted in almost a month and means I probably won’t post a lot (if at all) till the end of June. Today marks exactly three weeks till my first exam, and two months till my last. The end is near. This is when academic Eleanor says she loves studying because, alas, I do and I’ve not reached the point where I’m overwhelmingly stressed (hahaha cannot WAIT for the night before English exams) but then they’re over and life starts again. The thing is, that’s the difference between A Levels and GCSE; life hasn’t stopped. It isn’t necessarily as plentiful at the moment and there’s always some element of guilt when I’m leaving the house on a social excursion but it isn’t just filled with the monotony of revision. There’s this thing called balance going on.
My self care tips have come in very handy so far this Easter, the days without a phone don’t seem too long, the evenings reserved for catching up on social media and relaxing and (!!!) writing blog posts. For reading non academic books because I can’t wait for summer and then going to bed early and repeating it all the next day. Who knew routines could sound so appealing? (Spoiler alert: the revision isn’t always.) Once you free your mind of a negative attitude then it all seems to fall into place. Feeling content right now, will probably hit a low when I go back to college, or the day before and think to myself ‘what have I spent the whole half term doing?!’ But @ A levels, you’re not going to ruin my 2019.
and so I booked a trip to Milan to see Einaudi just before Christmas this week. because I love a plan but I need spontaneity and I think A levels have quite possibly driven me to that point where I just want to break free of a timetabled existence.
I hope you’re all well, not just surviving but thriving and if you’re going through exams then I wish you the best of luck! I’m probably not going to delete my social media because right now it isn’t too much of a distraction so if you ever want to talk I’m here 🙂 also if you’re wondering where the ethical fashion content is, désolé mes amis. Eleanor Claudie will be making a proper come back come June when life will be a little more ‘sans souci’.
lots of love, eleanor xx
ps. if you need new music to listen to, whenyoung are the band to check out. I have been absolutely LOVING them since seeing them as the support act for Sundara Karma last week.
pps. the photos are a few of the film photos I took in Berlin. I didn’t take enough, but they are a reminder of what hopefully is to come
ppps. I really want to start doing more ‘study’ blog posts on my blog but is that something you’d want to see? I don’t think I merit being a study blogger because I’m not sure if my grades will actually merit that status but if you would like some then let me know and if so are there any you have in mind?